50 sjove engelske vittigheder: Den ultimative liste til at få dig til at grine

1. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
2. Why dont skeletons fight each other? They dont have the guts.
3. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.
4. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
5. What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops? Guardians of the Galaxy.
6. Why do scientists think Pluto should still be classified as a planet? Because its just chilling out in space.
7. What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
8. What did one wall say to the other wall? “Ill meet you at the corner.”
9. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
10. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
11. Why dont scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
12. What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.
13. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
14. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
15. What time did the man go to his dentist appointment? Tooth-hurty.
16. Why was the belt arrested? It was holding up a pair of pants.
17. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
18. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
19. Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open.
20. What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dino-snore.
21. What did one wall say to the other wall? “Ill meet you at the corner.”
22. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
23. Why dont skeletons fight each other? They dont have the guts.
24. Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
25. Whats orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
26. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
27. Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.
28. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
29. What did zero say to eight? “Nice belt!”
30. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
31. Why dont scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
32. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.
33. Whats the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs.
34. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
35. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
36. Why are there fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in.
37. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
38. What time did the man go to his dentist appointment? Tooth-hurty.
39. What did one wall say to the other wall? “Ill meet you at the corner.”
40. What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.
41. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
42. Why dont scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
43. What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
44. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
45. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
46. What time did the man go to his dentist appointment? Tooth-hurty.
47. Why was the belt arrested? It was holding up a pair of pants.
48. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
49. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
50. Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open.
51. What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dino-snore.

De bedste engelske jokes

Der er noget universelt morsomt ved jokes. Uanset hvor vi kommer fra, kan vi alle grine sammen. Engelsk humor er kendt for sin tørre og sarkastiske stil, og engelske jokes trænger ofte igennem kulturelle barrierer og får folk til at grine på tværs af landegrænser. Her er en samling af nogle af de bedste engelske jokes, der aldrig går af mode.

Så begynder vi:

1. En gadedreng i London

En gadedreng i London blev stoppet af en turist, der spurgte: “Undskyld, ved du, hvordan man kommer til Hospital Street?”

Gadedrengen svarede: “Ja, gå ligeud, tag første vej til venstre, gå ind i den skumle gyde, vend tilbage og fortsæt ligeud. Du kan ikke undgå at ramme Hospital Street.”

“Den dreng har måske ingen anelse om, hvor han befinder sig, men han har en fremtid som GPS-ekspert!”

2. En amerikaner og en brite

En amerikaner og en brite sidder og snakker om nationalstolthed.

Amerikaneren siger: “Vi er så stolte af vores land, at vi har vores flag på næsten alt vores tøj. Du vil aldrig se en amerikaner, der ikke bærer mindst ét stykke tøj med flaget på.”

Briten tænker lidt og svarer: “Vel, det er måske ikke helt sandt. Vi bærer ikke vores krigsskibe på vores skuldre.”

Fortsætter

3. Et øjeblik før døden

En engelskmand og en franskmand sidder i en bar og drikker. Pludselig falder englænderen livløs om på gulvet.

Franskmanden råber om hjælp og siger: “Han er død, hvad skal jeg gøre?”.

Bartenderen svarer: “Rolig nu, vi har en plan for det. Det er bare vores specielle ” Et øjeblik før døden “-tilstand. Vi lægger ham i en stol, serverer ham en Guinness og lader ham lige være. Han vågner normalt op efter et par minutter og beder om den næste runde.”

4. Hjælp fra oven

En engelsk præst går igennem sin kirke og opdager en sovende mand. Præsten prøver at vække ham og siger: “Undskyld, men du kan ikke sove her!”

Manden vågner op og svarer: “Bare rolig, præst. Jeg er ikke her for at sove. Jeg er her for at bede om hjælp!”

Der er mere fødevare-relateret humor

5. Tomatens bekendelser

Hvad sagde toma …

Bemærk:This is just a sample text and not a complete joke.

6. Heldigvis er Google her

Jeg er så elen …

Bemærk:This is just a sample text and not a complete joke.

For at afrunde

Disse jokes giver et glimt ind i den skarpe og humoristiske engelske stil. Uanset om du liker den tørre sarkasme eller den smarte ordspil, så er engelske jokes altid gode til at bringe et smil frem. Husk, at humor er en gave, der brings folk sammen, uanset hvor vi kommer fra.

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